Haha!

… Yes?

Maybe time collapses into nothingness for God. Is God outside of time? Or within time? Or what? I wish I knew.

I think the first story indicates the immediate nature of God’s grace, which is supposed to stretch us. Here is a man who has done wrong, accepts that reality, and, in the end, recognizes Jesus. It’s an affirmation of faith. In other words, God’s grace isn’t dependent on a performance. That can be real unsettling in most modern ideas of justice. It’s straight mercy.

The second story may point to an early Christian idea that Jesus died, went down into Hell, and preached/lived/shared salvation to the very demonic beings of the universe. It’s an interesting idea, definitely, even if you don’t buy into it. Plus, Jesus was different after resurrection - he was solid (as guys like Thomas are invited to touch his hands) but he could pop up behind locked doors and disappear in an instant (Walk to Emmaus). The gospel story was trying to say that something unbelievable happened - Jesus was here and yet beyond. He was not resuscitated - he was resurrected! Mary might have clung to the idea that he was alive again, but really, Jesus had work yet to do. Was he between two realities? Two different planes of existence? Was he just making a pit stop on his way to heaven? I think it’s unclear, because it was likely a bit unclear and mysterious to first century Christians too.

Sorry it took so long to answer your question!